Not-quite-successful pick up lines
by razzentino
Summary: Ruby tries some pick-up lines on Weiss. Weiss... is not impressed. White Rose. One-shot.


_A/N:_

_A lil' silly something I pooped out! Also a tentative experiment on writing RWBY characters hmm... I love Weiss so much but goddamnit I can't write her ; A ; (HAHA I TRIED I REALLY DID. AND I SWEAR THE RWBY FANDOM ON TUMBLR WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME)_

_- __**razzentino**__ (penname will be changed to this soon)_

* * *

As she lay on her stomach on her bed, Ruby propped her chin to rest against the palms of her hands. Her feet swayed back and forth idly as she eagerly watched Weiss brush her hair.

From the reflection of the mirror, Weiss discretely watched her girlfriend bite her bottom lip absentmindedly, as though she was deep in thought.

Without any warning, Ruby blurted, "Is your dad a terrorist?"

It took a moment for her words to actually sink it.

And when Weiss finally registered what Ruby was _actually_ saying, she whirled around so quickly she almost snapped her neck. "What. Did. You. Just. _Say_?" the heiress demanded disbelievingly in a shrill voice, her punctuated words growing increasingly higher in pitch.

The Schnee Dust Company, one of the biggest industries responsible for supplying Dust, was literally _the_ pride of her entire family. Naturally, Weiss never hesitated launching in lectures to educate the ignorant. But did Ruby really just accuse her father, _the head of the Schnee Dust Company, _to be a _terrorist_?

"My father is a well respected businessman," Weiss growled, "How dare you—"

"_Cause-you're-the-bomb_," Ruby interrupted abruptly, speaking impossibly fast, her cheeks reddening slightly.

Weiss paused, momentarily confused. Instead of her signature unimpressed-scowl-with-her-hands-on-her-hips followed by a condescending comeback_,_ however, Weiss just looked truly flabbergasted. "… I… what?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

"O-oh bell's about to ring let's go!" she suddenly yelled, zipping out of their dorm while dragging Weiss along with her by the wrist.

"_Argh Ruby, slow down!" _

* * *

"Sooo…" Ruby started nonchalantly, walking backwards with her hands clasped behind her back as she faced Weiss. "Are your feet tired?"

The heiress shot her a strange look. "We've only been walking for a couple of minutes."

Ruby smiled smugly. _"But you've been running through my mind all day."_

"… It's only morning," Weiss pointed out. "And we just woke up two hours ago."

The scythe-wielder opened her mouth to reply, but found that she didn't have anything to counter Weiss' response. "… I did_ not_ think this through," Ruby mumbled under her breath.

* * *

"Ahem," Ruby coughed into her fist, in an attempt to catch Weiss' attention. When the heiress finally turned to look at her, she sneezed, very deliberately. "Achoooo!" she almost sang, maintaining unwavering eye contact throughout the entire ordeal.

Misty blue eyes narrowed as Weiss silently judged her partner. The heiress was clearly perplexed—that sneeze was so obviously _fake, _after all_. _Just what was Ruby up to this time?

Meanwhile, Ruby just continued to stare at her expectantly, as if she was waiting for her to say something.

"What do you want now?" Weiss huffed.

"….Aren't you going to comment?"

"Why would I?"

"But I just sneezed."

"…"

Eager silver eyes continued to bore through her.

"…Gesundheit."

Ruby frowned. "…It's not going to work if you say that."

At this, the heiress scowled. "If you think I'm going to play along, you're very mistaken."

"C'mon Weiss," Ruby pleaded, tugging Weiss's arm. "It's just two words!"

"No."

"I'm just going to keep bothering you until you say it, you know."

The heiress pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. She could feel a headache coming. "Why are you so annoying?"

"Why are _you_ so difficult?" the younger girl retaliated.

"_I'm _being difficult?"

"_Yes," _Ruby huffed, "So stop being so difficult and just say it!"

Weiss sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping in defeat. All she wanted to do was go back to the dorm and take a nice, steaming hot shower. "Ugh. Fine. _Bless you._ Whatever."

Ruby smiled in delight before proudly declaring, "I sneezed because _God blessed me with you_."

Her first reflex was to roll her eyes at the embarrassing cheesiness.

* * *

"I think there's something wrong with my eyes," Ruby muttered with a frown as she rubbed her eyes with the back of her palms.

The heiress looked up from her notes, and tried to hide her concern by feigning slight disinterest. "Oh?"

"Weisss," Ruby whimpered pitifully, shooting her a miserable look.

Weiss sighed before putting her pen down. "Come here and let me see." Ruby was by her side in an instant. The heiress leaned forward, her brows knitted as she assessed her girlfriend's eyes that resolutely bored through her. "I don't see anything…"

Glazed silver stared back happily as a stupid grin blossomed across Ruby's features. _"I just can't seem to take them off you."_

A beat.

Weiss groaned.

* * *

Weiss could feel a presence heavily scrutinizing her. She glanced up, only to be greeted by Ruby's intense, almost smoldering gaze.

"…What now?" the heiress asked cautiously.

Ruby frowned, her eyebrows creasing. "Did you just fart…?"

Weiss's eyebrows shot up in surprise and her jaw dropped almost comically, an action so unrefined and completely un-Weiss-like. "Did I just… _Excuse me?" _she sputtered, dumbfounded and stupefied, almost mortified.

"… _Because you blew me away,"_ Ruby finished hurriedly. "And even if you did, it's fine, cause you know, it's healthy and you're releasing all the nasty gas— "

The icy glare sent in her direction was enough to make Ruby recoil and retreat, muttering "Ooookay, shutting up now."

* * *

"Hey, Weiss?"

Immediately recognizing the tone and not liking where this was going, Weiss opted to just look up and raise her eyebrow instead of responding.

"Do you wanna see something beautiful?"

"Not particularly," Weiss replied dryly, her gaze returning to concentrate on her book.

"Aw, c'mon, just look!"

"I'm busy," Weiss replied flatly. "Go disturb someone else."

"But—"

"No." She eyed her girlfriend warily. "I know where this is going and I do _not _want to go there."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're going to us one of those stupid lines on me again," Weiss growled. "I'm not going to entertain you."

"What?" Ruby visibly deflated. "But Weiss!"

"I'm not listening."

"_Please?"_

At the sound of Ruby's pleading voice, Weiss sneaked a glance at her girlfriend and immediately regretted it.

She sighed heavily. "...You have two seconds," Weiss muttered irritably, before finally looking at Ruby.

…Only to be greeted by her reflection staring back at her from a large fancy mirror which Ruby had seemingly plucked out from nowhere.

"…."

Ruby peeked past the mirror, grinning triumphantly. _"Get it, get it?"_

Weiss stared at her girlfriend incredulously, unable to comprehend how on earth she had developed feelings for this… this… _dork. _Deciding not to reply back at all, she wordlessly went back to her book.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

No reply.

"Weiss?"

Still no reply.

"Weisssssss, don't ignore me!"

* * *

The door flew open without any warning, followed by Ruby recklessly barging into the room, breathless. "Call the police!" she yelled, clearly hysterical. Her hair was a haphazard mess as she glanced around the room frantically.

Weiss almost fell out of her bed from shock. "What happened?!" she demanded anxiously, reaching to grab her scroll. "Are you okay?"

"Thief!" Ruby continued to yell frenziedly.

"Where?!"At the back of her mind, warning bells were chiming. There was something about this entire situation that didn't seem right… Ruby wasn't the type who would flee and yell for reinforcements— no, she would've just carelessly rushed after a thief herself. Plus, taking her speed semblance into account, there weren't many (if any, at all) who were able to outrun Ruby.

Once she realized it was just a set-up, it was too late.

Silver eyes widened as the younger girl stared at Weiss, before pointing a shaky finger towards the heiress. "…Thief," she accused.

"… _What?_" Weiss spat out incredulously. _What was this… this… _thing_ trying to imply_—

"_You…" _Ruby whispered,_ "You stole my heart."_

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Weiss?"

"… _Get out._"

* * *

The door slowly slid open, followed by Ruby hesitantly peeking through the opening. "Weiss?" she called out timidly, uncertain if she was still unwelcomed.

"I swear, if you start another one, I'll throw something at you," Weiss threatened, her lips pursed evenly. She didn't seem as annoyed as before though, just disgruntled.

"No no no," Ruby replied hurriedly, holding her hands up in defeat as she carefully approached the heiress. "I just wanted to pass a message on."

"What is it." Weiss deadpanned, still warily studying her girlfriend.

"Wellll, you see," Ruby drawled, "Cupid called."

Ice blue eyes narrowed. "…Who?"

"_He says to tell you I need my heart back."_

Ruby barely dodged the book that flew past her face.

* * *

Weiss shifted uncomfortably. There seemed to be some sort of unpleasant weight pressing against her abdomen—

Groggily, icy blue eyes blinked opened, only to be greeted by the dark silhouette of someone's face barely a few centimeters away from her nose. Large eyes were peering down on her while a pair of hands fidgeted with the back of Weiss' pajamas, near the base of the heiress's neck.

Weiss realized then that the weight against her was actually someone _sitting _on her stomach—straddling her waist and all.

Snapping awake immediately, Weiss instinctively jerked away and reached out for Myrtenaster, which was always propped beside her bed. Things didn't quite go according to plan however, as the mystery assailant grabbed her wrist before she could do so.

It was too dark to see anything. Now truly panicking, the heiress struggled against the hold pinning her down, and ended up bashing both their heads against the bedpost.

Weiss bit back a yelp.

The other person wasn't quite as discreet, though. "_Owww_, Weiss, what was that for?"

"… _Ruby?_" she hissed furiously, recognizing her voice instantaneously. Now seething with anger, Weiss snarled, "What. Do. You. Think. You're. _Doing_?"

"_Shhh,"_ Ruby muttered, pressing her index finger against the lips of her girlfriend. "Blake and Yang are still sleeping."

Weiss ignored her, swatting Ruby's hand away from her face. "Answer me! Do you have any idea how badly that could've ended? I could've—"

Ruby's left hand lurched forward, carefully pinching Weiss' lips to shut her girlfriend up. "Okay okay, I'm sorry! I just wanted to—" she lightly tugged the tag label of Weiss' pajamas, _"Check if you were made in heaven." _She fell quiet for a moment, before softly continuing in a solemn tone, _"You're a long way from home, Weiss."_

* * *

"Long night?" Blake asked in bemusement, raising an eyebrow knowingly.

"She's driving me crazy!" Weiss complained hotly as she paced around the room, clearly distressed.

It was the next morning of Ruby's little midnight attack, which had taken a lot of effort for Weiss to resist strangling her girlfriend. She had spent the entire night on high alert, waiting for Ruby to make her next move. It never came though, and Weiss ended up unable to catch a single wink of sleep.

Blake smiled sympathetically at the sight of the dark circles below the heiress's eyes. "That's just her way of being affectionate," she reasoned.

"I bet Yang doesn't do this to you," Weiss grumbled.

The Faunus's expression darkened. "Don't be too sure," she warned.

"It can't be as bad as Ruby's."

"'_If you were a library book, I would check you out,'"_ Blake recited emotionlessly.

Weiss cringed.

"I _know_," Blake groaned.

"It was nice of her to take your love of books into account, at least?"

"Don't start."

"How did you get Yang to stop then?"

"I looked up other pick-up lines I could use to counter her with," the Faunus sighed. "It worked, at least." Honey golden eyes met misty blue. "Maybe you should try that too?"

Weiss scoffed. "If you think I'm going to—"

Without warning, Blake leaned forward, her lips almost brushing against Weiss's right ear as she whispered in a low voice.

Weiss was still frozen in the same position even after Blake had pulled back. After a moment or two passed, the edge of her lips slowly curled into a sly smirk and the heiress shot Blake an impressed look. "… That's not bad, actually."

* * *

"Isn't this pretty?" Ruby gushed, twirling around slightly.

It was a Saturday morning. Although their original objective was to restock on ammunition and Dust, they had somehow ended up in a clothing store along the way.

It had been several days after her shenanigans that night (so maybe she had gone a _little_ too far that time), and Ruby couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling that something wasn't right. Ever since the next afternoon of that night, Weiss seemed calm and collected. _Far _too calm and collected, which made Ruby incredibly nervous.

She had tried asking Weiss about it several times, but the heiress merely shook her head coolly and shot her a composed smile. "Don't be silly, Ruby," she had said. "I've forgotten all about it."

Ruby bit her bottom lip and tried to stomp her uneasiness down, berating herself for being too paranoid. Just in case though, she had avoided the usage of pick-up lines ever since then.

As days passed and nothing happened, Ruby started to relax a bit more. Jeez, she really had been overthinking things.

"What do you think, Weiss?" she continued cheerily, inspecting her reflection in the mirror.

Weiss tilted her head slightly as she assessed Ruby's outfit. With her palm against her chin, she hummed thoughtfully. "That skirt is very becoming on you," she decided. "_But then again,_" Weiss suddenly leaned in, misty blue eyes smoldering as she breathily continued,_ "If I was on you, I'd be coming too_."

As her girlfriend's words sunk in, Ruby flushed scarlet and hastily tripped over a pile of clothes she had strewn on the ground mere moments ago. "Uh…did you just…" Ruby looked absolutely dumbstruck. "… I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

Weiss could only smirk smugly in reply.

Still completely gobsmacked, all Ruby could do was stare at Weiss from the ground, with her mouth opening and closing much like a goldfish.

"That's what I thought."

"…I was caught offguard!"

"Seriously though." Weiss sighed as she offered her hand to help Ruby up. "I know you love me, but were all those really necessary? I'll even admit it was cute the first few times, if that's what you want."

Ruby pouted. "You don't understand, Weiss. My love for you is—" she mumbled, hugging her girlfriend tightly, _"_—_like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in."_

Weiss wanted to scream.


End file.
